You'll see great changes to the old place, his brother Jem had said
in one of his short letters. Felix came to the tall barred gate which
lead from the road into the courtyard. This square of rock-speckled
and stamped mud was bordered by the house on one side, the 
hay barn and horse stable facing the road and the cow shed on 
the other side facing the house. A large mound of cow manure sat
in the corner by the shed. Each of the buildings had always been
perfectly white washed. At least in his father's day. 

He was unsure how to approach the house. It was after all no
longer his home. Though the eldest, he had left his brother and
his new wife to work the farm. It had thus become their home 
and he was in a sense an outsider. But he had come home for 
his brother's funeral. He pushed at the hall door and it opened
inwards. Doors were seldom locked in these parts. Cut walking
sticks leaned in the corner of the porch. He walked in and down
the small corridor which lead to the kitchen. He didn't think about
it butoded down the short corridor towards the kitchen. Like a
man worried he might disturb, he pushed his head around the 
door and saw a young lad of twelve poking at the thick dirty range. 

- You must be Jimmy, Felix said quietly to the lad he had never seen
and who had been only a vague notion of pregnancy when Felix
left. Felix put down his bag and picked up the bucket of well water.
In one strong arm he held it and stirred the chill water with a finger 
as his father had so often done. You could almost feel the chalk in it, 
he used to say. Jimmy pulled the lid off the large family kettle so 
that Felix could fill it. 

- You're Uncle Felix, Jimmy suggested. 
- I am, Felix admitted, home from Americay. They moved and 
spoke softly as Felix sensed the sleeping in the house. 
- Mammy will be up in a minute, Jimmy said, almost by way of 
apologising. I have to go and get the cattle now, for the milking. 
Mam got home very late last night. She had to go to Monaghan
town, Jimmy said this importantly. Most shopping was done in
Ballybay so only something important required the journey to the
much larger town of Monaghan. 

- We'll go and get the cows together, Felix said, half wondering 
about the trip to Monaghan town. Are you the man that milks the 
cows?, he asked Jimmy. 

- Sometimes Mam comes to help me, but I often did it on my own,
the child boasted. 
- And why wouldn't you, a big lad like you, Felix said, nevertheless
sensing at least a little exaggeration in the boy's talk. He knew that
while they were milking the rest of the house would probably wake.
His sister-in-law had no doubt already been stirred by the strange
voice in the house no matter how whispered. 

When they returned from milking the four cows, Angela Brady
was up and loosely dressed as one who had risen in a rush. Her
hair was in apparent shock by the experience and she ran her hand
into it now as she felt Felix surveying her. She was running from
table to stove setting and stirring. 

- The tea is wet, come in, come in and sit down. Felix was shocked
by the youth in her voice and face. Though she was haggard and 
thin he sensed a long difference between his own fully felt middle 
age and this young looking woman. He did not recall a large age
gap between Angela and his brother Jem at the time of their hastened
wedding. But that was some time ago and seemed decked in fog. 

- You must be like a wall falling down with the hunger, Angela said, 
echoing phrases their mothers might have used. I've nothing to fry 
for you, she said with some shame. This meant there was no meat
in the house. But there is hot porridge, she went to stir the pot 
again and added a little of the cow warm milk from the tin bucket
they had brought in. A little girl scooped a small saucerful directly
from the pale for a tigercat sprawled in a corner. 

- Peggy, her mother said with a soft scold. 
- She's sick, Mammy, the pouted mouth said as only little girls can. 

Felix looked around then and noticed that he was being stared at
by the rest of the family which had gathered into the large living
kitchen by now. There were six children in all at last count. Three
of each variety. God had been trying for some kind of harmony in
his doings. However, he had delivered the three boys first before
remembering the girls. The boys were thin and sharply featured. 
The three girls had been spattered with soft fF- I'm seven and a 
half, Betty Martin said when it came to her turn, and I can play the 
tin whistle, would you like to hear?, she asked Felix. 

- Not now, Betty, her mother ushered, we're going to eat and
your uncle Felix is exhausted from his long trip. God knows when 
he last eat, she had stopped talking to him directly because an
unease causing shyness had set in. We'll have a good dinner later,
anyway, she promised, casting a quick look in his eye. 

- Sure I'll be right as an elephant with a bit of porridge in me, he 
said with a cheerful pull up to the table. 
- You'll want to get your head down, maybe, for a few hours rest,
before, Angela paused, we go out. 
- The road gate fell over again last night, Jimmy said and one of the
cows was thinking about getting out. Luckily I got there before she
did. Jimmy knew his mother would ask him to go with her to try 
and fix it but he also noticed that the milking was easier with Felix
to help so he watched the adults through his spooning of runny
porridge. He got the result he desired. 

- We'll go and have a look at that after breakfast, alright, Jimmy?,
Felix said nodding one eye at the lad. 
- Oh no, I'll go, Angela's face was unhappy. You're only in the door. 
- Sure I couldn't sleep anyways, I don't know which day or night 
it is with the time difference and all the rest of it. 
- Oh I feel terrible about... 
- Jimmy and me'll have that gate fixed in two flicks of an asses willy,
won't we, Jim? 

All the kids laughed and even Angela burst one little smile as she
shook her heavy forehead. 

The two with a mission lapped the dregs from their bowls and 
went to work. Felix kicked off his town shoes and poked his feet
into a large pair of wellington boots standing idle by the front door.
They were obviously Jem's but he was in them and on his way to
the tool shed before he thought that maybe he might upset someone
by his act. A cloud of fatigue wrapped his brow producing a little
dizziness. It made him feel slightly distant from some of his
surroundings. There's a gate needs mending, he thought.

- Right, Jimmy, lead me at this gate, he said, as though he did not
know the way.